*I began this post with an actual point, however the context section became a post of it’s own. This will be Part 1. Part 2 will follow after some feedback perhaps.*
Remember in kindergarten when everyone was your friend?
And then in elementary school when your group of friends was determined by the people who wanted to play the same thing with you at recess?
High school came along and then friends became the people who were like you – preps, jocks, band geeks, skater kids (at least so it was in my All-American high school transplanted into suburban Ontario, resulting in a cross between Saved by the Bell and Dawson’s Creek – cool principal and teacher dating student scandal and all)
And that brings us to…well, now. Adulthood, I guess you could call it. The beginning of “real life”. Real jobs, real responsibility, real freedom…all those realities. I’m finding that one of those realities you’ve got to deal with is who is your friend and who isn’t.
For the first time in my life, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to define who (and what) I’d consider a friend. I’ve been lucky I guess, since for the most part of my life the hardest thing I had to differentiate was who was a close friend and who was “just” a friend.
Enter university. Or rather, I entered university. For the first time, I was exposed to a social scene where people not gossiping meant people were gossiping, where even if you weren’t friends with someone you had to pretend to be to save face, where for the sake of social standing you had to remain friends with someone even if they’d stabbed you in the back. Now I don’t mean to say that I never dealt with this in high school. I did. There were the confrontations in the hallways, cliques being split down the middle because of a break up, vicious rumours spread that could only be believed in high school – plus all the stuff other people were doing. =P But it was never like this.
Part of the trouble stems from the fact that I can’t understand how adults (or people on the brink of adulthood) are still involved in such stupid drama. I mean, sure we all did it in high school, but that was high school. It was a rite of passage. You do it there so you get it out of your system and move on after graduation. It’s like the chicken pox – you get it once and then never again.
I guess the other part is that the close friends I have made have sort of been this revolving door phenomenon. They come in and then something happens – a fight, some third party drama, an event – and out they go. Mix that in with the drama mentioned earlier and you’re trying to survive a social scene littered with carnage. Broken promises, broken bonds, and broken friendships. But on the surface – all is well.
Like any good battlefield, you need to know who your allies are. How can you know? How do you determine who’s in and who’s not? Who to trust and who not to? Who’s a friend and who’s a close friend? I think I’ve figured out an easy, albeit kinda stupid way to figure this out, but what do you all have to say?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I faced most of my drama in junior high and very little in high school - which may have something to do with the fact that I spent my high school years in 3 differnt countries...
I stayed away from all drama in university though. I knew it was happening all around me, but I was (or tried to be) nice to everyone and went about my business. Whatever I make of my uni years, I'm glad I went, otherwise I'd never have met you :)
Oh wow. I think I would be the last person to answer your questions but lets give it a try...
I was the kinda person who tried to be friends with everyone in University but ever since I finished or my "friends" finished University I started to figure out who were close and who weren't. Not very conciously though. I realized that who my "close" friends were actually made it a point to keep in touch, even if it was a call once every 2 months or so because they were busy with work, school etc. They tried to keep in touch even if it was a short email to tell me they were thinking about me or a quick 2 min phone call or just a quick meeting one night to get dessert. They made an effort.
Others didn't.
Not that I should complain because I didn't make much of an effort to keep in touch with some of them either. They call sometimes...but most of the times it's cuz they need something. And that's fine. We are (were) friends, and now they're just someone I knew in University. I think I still consider them to be friends but I wouldn't be surprised if I don't somewhere down the line. They'll just be someone I once knew...
I can't complain. I think I'm surrounded by some really great people who I feel like they genuinely care about me and it's nice :)
I don't know I answered your questions in that long rant Anika, let me know if I didn't!
So I was watching Oprah today and Dr. Oz was on and he said something that kinda made sense to me.
He said that whenever you have something wrong with your body, whether it is a disease or even as tiny as a pimple, you try to get rid of it. And sometimes if you have a huge virus you have to go as far as amputating a limb.
That's what he said you should do with relationships/people that do nothing but hurt you. You should amputate them from your lives.
It made sense to me...but can I really do it, that's another thing...
And also that you should forgive people cuz by staying mad you do nothing but hurt yourself. This doesn't mean that you have to be friends with them again, just forgive, move on and amputate them from your life.
Drama rama indeed. I hate drama and avoid it at all costs. This is why I play fight in the bathroom. This sounds all wrong, but you understand Anika, right?
I have always had a very small circle of really close friends. And then there were the friends or acquaintances that circled in and out but were never truly integral to my daily life. Someone once explained to me that the word "friend", especially in the way it's used in the Qur'an is so much deeper, stronger, and meaningful than the loose, casual way we use it and apply it all the time. In that sense, I have a handful of friends that truly contribute to keeping me emotionally stable, healthy and balanced. These are the people that I call simply because I want to hear their voice. These are the people I trust to tell me to do the right thing and the people who I know care if they see me spiralling downward. As sad as it is, people just don't have the time to care anymore. My friends will always have the time and I wil always have the time for them. InshaAllah.
I agree with Roohi's amputation scheme. Staying away from people that make you miserable is NOT wrong. It's the best thing to do. Your first concern should be yourself, because if you're healthy (in all aspects of the word) then you're able to give more of yourself to those that need and deserve you.
And lastly, you deserve you. Sometimes I'm happiest when I'm by myself. Just me. And God too. I wish this was a constant thing, that I would always be satisfied with myself, but it's a work in progress. I need to understand that I deserve my best self. We all do.
Remember that you're super.
AKA-Thanks for the comment. You sure know how to make a girl feel special! High school in 3 different countries might have added to your skills for avoiding drama. I just don't know if that's a possibility for me. Plus, you have this amazing ability of meeting new and interesting friends wherever you go. =P
roohi - I've always said that you are the best person I can think of when it comes to people keeping in touch. I generally am not that good. Unless I really really like you. (Ask AKA, I really really like her, but chanec MSN encounters are what we communicated through most while she was away).
This amputation concept is actually quite entertaining. I read it to someone else and they made a comment about how Dr. Phil heals people, but Dr. Oz amputates their lives. Interesting. I like the amputation idea. I find that I do it myself. But what do you do then when you amputate someone but for the sake of everyone else around you, don't make it public? And what about people who try to make you amputate others by misleading you?
shoilers - I've always envied your circle of friends. You effortlessly flow through so many crowds, but you're accepted by every without mention of associating with one type of person or the other. I live vicariously through you. And right back at ya, kiddo.
Thanks for your sweet comment. You know, it would be nice to think that all the drama ends after high school but it just doesn't seem like it ever will. A close friend to me is someone who is always there, you don't necessarily have to talk to them everyday but when you do call or meet, it's like you were never apart and the conversation continues where it left off. Avoid people with drama so that you don't get caught up in it. It's pointless. A close friend is someone who doesn't create drama. They're as mature as you so they know that that's "high school and over," they know you and are like you, that much.
Darling the only friends you need in life are Giada and Paula Dean. They will erase all childish gossipy pain with the baking of a lasagna or corn bread. Seriously though ... your blog rings true on so many levels. More than ever I am glad that I do not possess human feelings.
Post a Comment