I don't dislike her per se. There's nothign tangible that I can connect to my dislike - except the way all stories she acts in are somehow butchered beyond recognition. But besides that, nothing really.
As an ode to my dislike of Kiera Knightley's ability to somehow have used lovely classical fiction as a means of establishing herself as a wannabe period actor, I will provide to you an e-mail on my sentiments after breaking down and finally watching Pride and Prejudice. Enjoy (or not).
(in an e-mail addressed to my best friend)
I have spent some time watching the Pride and Prejudice of 2005. As you so traitorously watched it with another companion, I feel I should, nay, MUST, share with you my thoughts....
First, did they even read the book? I think not. I think that when the time came to write this screenplay, they consulted the people of the falsely named King Arthur. Because if the movie could be another further away from the actual book, well, I would've probably had to shoot myself after watching it. They must have just coincidentally chosen the name Pride and Prejudice...yes, that's it.
BUT if in fact they did seek to make this movie based on the book, let me share a few "What the hell...!?!?!?!?!?!" moments:
WTH!?!?!?!?! #1: You know at the ball. The very first one. The one where Lizzie gets so artfully snubbed by Darcy. According to the niceties of the time, I think that would most adequately be the equivalent of, oh, a rave!!! Seriously, all the jumping and clapping they may as well have been on drugs.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #2: Bingley. What was that about??? Bingley's character was supposed to be a gentleman. Gentle-man. Let me bring to mind some other gentlemen, so that we may appropriately have examples with which to base our judge of this character. Atticus Finch. Lon from the Notebook. Ashleigh from Gone with the Wind. Tim Cruise circa Penelope Cruise. Bingley was no gentleman. What Bingley was - was like a flighty teenage girl. Hair dyed an unnatural colour, with too much hair product. Hell, his body even resembled a teenage girl's! And the - THEN - when he practices how to propose to Jane. Oh my god, reminiscent of when junior high school girls walk up to their crushes outside the gym after school and ask them to the dance. I swear, the movie would've just been better without him. And that's saying a lot. Like the movie could get better. Rubbish that it was.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #3: Pemberly - It flipping looked like a museum. First, we went to the painting room. Then we went to the naked sculpture room. The bust of Darcy? Talk about asexual, you could barely tell if it was male or female. And Lizzie peeks into Georgiana's room. Did they even research what houses we like back then? And what is she suddenly - a voyuer? At that moment I was worried the movie took a turn for the 18A rated.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #4: Mr Bennet - his teeth were too white for his age. And he looked like what I imagine Christopher Columbus to look ike first thign in the morning during his old age. At the end of the movie where he says, I could not part with you Lizzie blah blah blah, why keep that? When you take out all the other stuff, why keep that? The entire attachment between them was nonexistent. He was like an absent father. He should've been paying alimony.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #5: You knew this was coming - Elizabeth. Elizabeth was supposed to capture all of the polished refinement of the era and yet, yet still break the mould with her wit, her ability to laugh off the frivolties of daily life, to satirically comment on those around her, to embody grace and poise, but keep a childish innocence and openness. She did not shirk the rules or break the rules, but she played within the rules better than anyone else. Oh right, that was only in the book. No no, in the movie, Elizabeth was pretty much bipolar. A subdued bipolar. She either cried or laughed. But always in quick succession. And never very much. The girl spent all 3 hours in the verge of a nervous breakdown! I'm not saying this out of my bias for Keira, the girl could kill me with any number of swords. But please...I mean, there's a reason why this character is admired by women all over, throughout time. that she's cool cause she's living through all the crap women go through but she comes out unscathed. This lizzie practically cried all the time and before anything even happened to her. her and Bingley. They could be BFF. For each others birthday they should buy each other pink diaries with locks!
WTH!?!?!?!?! #6: I'm saddned to say, Darcy. So much went wrong here. Darcy should have commanded the scenes. Darcy with his pride, his looks, his intellignce. You hated him but at the same time he never really gave you reason to hate him. He was not handsome. He was not charming. He was not proud. He was not mysterious. He was not logical beyond reason. He didn't have that strange inability to be witty. He didn't fight against anything. He meekly accepted the nothing he was given in the movie. He did not deliver his lines with any sort of conviction. I swear he was mumbling. He was not in love with lizzie. He looked more in love with his sister!!! he looked like he was forced to be in the movie against his will! I can't love him, not like this. We can't be happy together, we won't be happy! !
I have spent some time watching the Pride and Prejudice of 2005. As you so traitorously watched it with another companion, I feel I should, nay, MUST, share with you my thoughts....
First, did they even read the book? I think not. I think that when the time came to write this screenplay, they consulted the people of the falsely named King Arthur. Because if the movie could be another further away from the actual book, well, I would've probably had to shoot myself after watching it. They must have just coincidentally chosen the name Pride and Prejudice...yes, that's it.
BUT if in fact they did seek to make this movie based on the book, let me share a few "What the hell...!?!?!?!?!?!" moments:
WTH!?!?!?!?! #1: You know at the ball. The very first one. The one where Lizzie gets so artfully snubbed by Darcy. According to the niceties of the time, I think that would most adequately be the equivalent of, oh, a rave!!! Seriously, all the jumping and clapping they may as well have been on drugs.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #2: Bingley. What was that about??? Bingley's character was supposed to be a gentleman. Gentle-man. Let me bring to mind some other gentlemen, so that we may appropriately have examples with which to base our judge of this character. Atticus Finch. Lon from the Notebook. Ashleigh from Gone with the Wind. Tim Cruise circa Penelope Cruise. Bingley was no gentleman. What Bingley was - was like a flighty teenage girl. Hair dyed an unnatural colour, with too much hair product. Hell, his body even resembled a teenage girl's! And the - THEN - when he practices how to propose to Jane. Oh my god, reminiscent of when junior high school girls walk up to their crushes outside the gym after school and ask them to the dance. I swear, the movie would've just been better without him. And that's saying a lot. Like the movie could get better. Rubbish that it was.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #3: Pemberly - It flipping looked like a museum. First, we went to the painting room. Then we went to the naked sculpture room. The bust of Darcy? Talk about asexual, you could barely tell if it was male or female. And Lizzie peeks into Georgiana's room. Did they even research what houses we like back then? And what is she suddenly - a voyuer? At that moment I was worried the movie took a turn for the 18A rated.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #4: Mr Bennet - his teeth were too white for his age. And he looked like what I imagine Christopher Columbus to look ike first thign in the morning during his old age. At the end of the movie where he says, I could not part with you Lizzie blah blah blah, why keep that? When you take out all the other stuff, why keep that? The entire attachment between them was nonexistent. He was like an absent father. He should've been paying alimony.
WTH!?!?!?!?! #5: You knew this was coming - Elizabeth. Elizabeth was supposed to capture all of the polished refinement of the era and yet, yet still break the mould with her wit, her ability to laugh off the frivolties of daily life, to satirically comment on those around her, to embody grace and poise, but keep a childish innocence and openness. She did not shirk the rules or break the rules, but she played within the rules better than anyone else. Oh right, that was only in the book. No no, in the movie, Elizabeth was pretty much bipolar. A subdued bipolar. She either cried or laughed. But always in quick succession. And never very much. The girl spent all 3 hours in the verge of a nervous breakdown! I'm not saying this out of my bias for Keira, the girl could kill me with any number of swords. But please...I mean, there's a reason why this character is admired by women all over, throughout time. that she's cool cause she's living through all the crap women go through but she comes out unscathed. This lizzie practically cried all the time and before anything even happened to her. her and Bingley. They could be BFF. For each others birthday they should buy each other pink diaries with locks!
WTH!?!?!?!?! #6: I'm saddned to say, Darcy. So much went wrong here. Darcy should have commanded the scenes. Darcy with his pride, his looks, his intellignce. You hated him but at the same time he never really gave you reason to hate him. He was not handsome. He was not charming. He was not proud. He was not mysterious. He was not logical beyond reason. He didn't have that strange inability to be witty. He didn't fight against anything. He meekly accepted the nothing he was given in the movie. He did not deliver his lines with any sort of conviction. I swear he was mumbling. He was not in love with lizzie. He looked more in love with his sister!!! he looked like he was forced to be in the movie against his will! I can't love him, not like this. We can't be happy together, we won't be happy! !
Don't even get me started on King Arthur.
